Asking for Grace

“A Real Mom: Emotional, yet the rock. Tired, but keeps going. Worried, but full of hope. Impatient, yet patient. Overwhelmed, but never quits. Amazing, even though doubted. Wonderful, even in chaos. Life changer, every single day.”
-Rachel Martin

It’s been a long day… you pop your airpods/headphones in and turn on some music and there’s that one song that comes on and all the emotions from the week or the day that you’ve kept inside just come pouring out.

Do you have that song in your mind right now?

Mine’s currently on repeat as I sit in the dark typing this after what should’ve been a relaxing and stress-free week… I’ve held in emotions, and the lyrics to “I Need Thee” by Caleb and Kelsey now have me letting out every tear I’ve held in.

For every second that I felt like a horrible wife this week. For every second I felt like a terrible mama. For every second that the mom guilt has kicked in… this song has me laying it all out in silence, so I won’t wake up the rest of the sleeping house, as tears roll down my cheeks and I stopped holding it all back.

As mothers and wives, we constantly feel the need to keep it all together amidst all the chaos of the household, the emotions of the kids, the stress of everyday life, while controlling our own emotions and not letting it be seen. The second we lose it, it’s like we’re showing a weakness and that it’s not something that should be shown by someone who’s supposed to have it all together.

Have you ever said something out loud and felt like you were selfish the instant it came out? You’re not alone. Even though I know it feels that way… we’re the silent criers, the small smiles and nods that everything is fine, the deep breaths in between tasks…

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve asked for grace as a mother and wife, but I’ve never allowed myself the grace. While others may have given it to me, I continue to make myself feel horrible for having feelings or for speaking up about how I feel. I feel selfish for wanting a break. I feel selfish for making a big deal about things that shouldn’t seem to matter.

“I need you now. All I want is only you. I need you now. I need thee oh I need thee. Every hour I need thee. Oh bless, me now my savior, I come to thee.”

It is okay to admit that we are broken and hurting and that sometimes we may be a little lost. We are not perfect, we weren’t created to be perfect. This journey that we are on as mothers was never meant to be easy, but it was also never meant to be journeyed alone!

Find a group of mamas that you can go to when you are feeling like the worse mama in the world or when you know you need grace but you are having a hard time giving it to yourself. This life is hard enough without us giving ourselves a harder time about the choices we make or the things that don’t seem to go our way!

I need grace this week for not allowing myself to communicate about how I felt about plans that were made. I need grace this week for feeling like a horrible mama for not being there for my babies’ first trip to the farm. I need grace this week for not being able to hold it together as well as other weeks. I need grace for letting jealousy get the best of me…

How can you ask for grace this week mama?