Parenting is a Full-Time Job

Bryan’s first Easter {4.16.17}

Last week I talked about how it’s okay to ask for help when you have it (check out our post “It’s Okay to Ask for Help”). I have definitely missed having so much help, especially at night when Tory’s gone off to work (there’s no such thing as a break time when it’s just you and baby-just like that commercial for Nyquil: moms and dads don’t take sick days).

For the past month we had a lot of help from my mom. She came from Houston to stay with us and to help me recover and take care of Bryan. To be honest, she did a lot when it came to bathing, feeding and watching Bryan.

Mom created his daily routine. A routine that he has gotten used to and I’ve tried my best to continue it so that this transition is a lot easier for him (and for me).

IMG_2701It’s been a week since she returned to Houston (and Bryan’s a month old now) and we survived! Survived? I sound like I just came out of some sort of battle! Well, it is! It’s a battle against your own thoughts of failure. It’s a battle against your fears. It’s a battle between sleepless nights and curbing your frustration (baby feels everything you feel).

Growing up I used to love the idea of being a stay-at-home mom (don’t get me wrong, I still do and want to when the time is right). It is definitely NOT as glorified as it’s made out to be by society!

Stay-at-home parents (we can’t forget those dads; it’s not just a job for mom. Or quite frankly even those few grandparents who have changed their lifestyles to be parents again-but don’t get me started on that) don’t just sit around all day and wait for the baby to wake up or the kids to get out of school (HA! I now laugh at people who think that’s what it’s all about). They don’t go on extravagant shopping sprees, lunch dates with their friends and makeovers (well at least not 95% of them-there’s always the exceptions). It’s a full-time job!

I may have only had to do it on my own as a stay-at-home mom for the last week

Bryan loves cuddle time with Daddy

(and for the next couple weeks until I return to work) but my hat goes off to all the parents who do this 24/7, 365 days a year! You guys are the best and so amazing for all you do (I hope someone has told you that today, if not, I am)!

I’ve learned that it’s all about establishing a routine and sticking to it. Yes, Bryan is only a month old and his routine may change each day based on his feedings, but there are still some things that are consistently done the same and at certain times of the day in order for him (and honestly mommy) to stay happy (and sane for mommy)! It’s never too early to start a routine with baby, whether it be bath time, bed time or tummy time.

I’ve accepted that dinners will be separate (occasionally Bryan will sleep long enough that Tory and I can eat dinner together). I’ve accepted that my dinner may go cold because Bryan needs a bottle. I’ve accepted that my coffee will be microwaved several times throughout the day before it’s finished (I now understand why my mom’s coffee was always cold or forgotten in the microwave).

I’ve accepted that I no longer have 8-hour sleeps and that I’m working on 2-3 hour naps throughout the day (lets face it, there’s still chores to be done when the baby sleeps). I used to be a heavy sleeper, but now even the slightest sound from Bryan and I pop out of bed like a pop tart out of the toaster to his side. I used to roll around in bed a lot but on the nights when Bryan sleeps in our bed, I’ve stopped moving and I’ve learned to stay on my side of the bed. I’ve accepted the idea that going to the bathroom is like a race against the clock (more like hoping and praying the baby doesn’t start crying).

Family nap time-Daddy and Bryan are always out!

In this first week alone, I’ve learned a lot about what a parent will do or has to change in their lifestyle to care for his/her child because I’ve changed a lot in my own routine to work with Bryan’s. Ive learned how to do most things one-handed while holding Bryan in the other.

I’ve started to slowly get the hang of things on my own when Tory’s at work. The first night, I’ll be honest, I was so terrified of being alone with Bryan.

Caffeine has definitely become my best friend! I used to be able to check my emails, texts and pick up phone calls whenever I wanted, but now it takes me hours to respond and days to check my email just because I’m trying to squeeze in a nap, run to the bathroom or try to finish up the dishes before Bryan wakes up.

Would I trade it in for my old lifestyle? Not at all! Every sleepless night, duration of fussiness or cold dinner has been worth every second with Bryan. I have a whole new appreciation for all the stay-at-home parents!


I welcome all their advice because they’ve gotten it down to a science! I only hope that what I’ve done for Bryan has been the best for him. Everything else for me, can come second (definitely the opposite of how I felt weeks ago. Check out our post “Newlyweds to New Parents”).

It’s Okay to Ask For Help

We are nearly at Bryan’s first month of life and though it is exciting, this first month has definitely been one of grit, tears and a very big learning experience as first time parents.

17523613_1106777462801973_8635050676621369670_nThough I have learned a lot about what it really takes to raise a child (I’m not saying I know it all, because I’m far from it), I have also learned a lot about myself. A child definitely makes you think less of yourself and what you may want and need and more of what you can do to raise your baby in a safe, healthy and happy environment.

This post may contradict a little of what I wrote a couple weeks ago in my post about not forgetting that you are just as important as the baby (check out our previous post “Newlyweds to New Parents”), but in these last couple weeks I have definitely had a small change of heart.

It was a huge wakeup call for me the other day when Tory pointed out that no matter how tired I am, I still have a small human who relies on me to be my 100% self to take care of him. But how can I do that when I’m drained and feeling overwhelmed? How can I be 100% for Bryan if I can’t even give myself 100%?!

In this first month of parenthood I have learned that there are some feelings that others still seem to shame new parents on (in my experience, you may not feel the same), or at least we feel ashamed (I know I have) for admitting it to others. You know what, it’s 100% OKAY to admit you need help! 17861748_1106777876135265_7380787502588670829_n

I honestly wish I had realized this a little earlier because it would’ve saved a lot of restless nights of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated and inexperienced and insecure. It would’ve saved so many nights where I tried my best to hold in my tears so that my sweet baby wouldn’t pick up on my mood.


Trying to juggle a crying infant while cooking dinner and making his bottle has been a challenge I have faced several times during this month.

I know that my mom has been here to help and Tory is home during the day, but I didn’t want to ask for help. I wanted to do it on my own, thinking that when my mom returns to Houston, it would just be me and Bryan at home when Tory’s gone at work each night. So my mindset was that I should learn how to do it on my own, right? WRONG (so completely wrong)!

Always remember it’s okay to ask for help when you have it and when you can! My overwhelming thoughts could’ve been spared had I just asked Tory to cook dinner one night or just asked him to watch Bryan while I cooked dinner. Instead, I chose the long, tiring route.


For the first weeks since we came home from he hospital, I exclusively breast pumped to feed Bryan. As you all know from my last post (“The Breastfeeding Debate: To Breast Feed or Not”), breastfeeding directly had been out of the question so I had been working on a pumping schedule of every 3 hours. But what was exhausting was that the pumping, feeding and changing schedules never matched up.

So when people say “sleep when the baby sleeps,” they must’ve figured out how to do everything in their sleep because it sure hadn’t worked for me!

Frustrated and Inexperienced

Babies can always sense when you’re feeling a certain way. I’ve tried my best to stay17862760_1106777516135301_7102259811872923429_n as calm as I can, but I have to admit there have been days when I’ve had my fair share of frustration.

Frustrated that my baby wouldn’t eat for me the way he does for his daddy or his grandma. Frustrated that he seemed to cry bloody murder when I rocked him to sleep but fell asleep so quickly and easily for his daddy.

There have been days where I felt so inexperienced to the point of tears and I look over to see how easy Tory made it look.

Granted, he had experience with his niece and nephew when they were infants. Of course I have nieces and nephews of my own, but I just got to play the role of aunt and gave them back when they started to fuss. I had never had to play the role of caretaker, let alone try to fuse two completely different cultures of parenting together to raise our baby.


2017-04-10 (2)
Left photo: 39 weeks pregnant. Top right: 1 week postpartum. Bottom right: 2.5 weeks postpartum

I know this doesn’t relate to asking for help, but I’ve also experienced days where I felt like I wasn’t in my own body (it might also have to do with the lifestyle I’ve been living the last month- check out our post “The Long Road to Recovery”).

I felt insecure (in the past I’ve never felt this way about my body) and I couldn’t openly admit it.

I wanted my old body back. I missed fitting into my old clothes instead of having to wear my husband’s t-shirts. I missed my toned abs (from years of being an athlete in high school and college). I missed not having to wear a bra 24/7 (I’ve felt so restricted, especially at night when I go to bed, they are not meant to be trapped in a bra all day!). I missed not leaking milk or bleeding all the time (this may be a “TMI,” but who are we kidding, every mother knows what I’m talking about and it’s no surprise!).

When would I go back to “normal”? Or was my new normal the little flab left on my stomach from pregnancy? Was it the new chest size that hurt my back all the time? Was it the swollen fingers where my engagement ring wouldn’t fit anymore?

How could I admit this without feeling some sort of guilt? Of course my body was different. I had 9 months of gaining 50 lbs. of pregnancy weight to prepare me for postpartum. I have a precious baby boy, why would I be insecure about my new body? This body brought me the best gift life could ever give me.

It Gets Better

Each day is getting better little by little, but I wish I had known earlier that it’s okay to ask for help, be honest about how you feel, and there are people who won’t judge you for it.17884078_1107761639370222_1145566842131192844_n

It’s okay to admit that you need a break. We’re all human, we can’t constantly do something 24/7 and not expect to need a break once in a while.

It took me a while, but I’ve realized that as your baby grows, so does your level of experience. The exhaustion, frustration, inexperience and insecurity will disappear and you’ll be able to do things one-handed, half asleep or even imagine it in your sleep, and you’ll be able to embrace the body you have no matter what size or shape it is. So hang in there, because you’re not alone!


The Breastfeeding Debate…To Breastfeed or Not…

Ask me several years ago if I would ever breastfeed my children and I would’ve told you “absolutely not!” I had heard so many horror stories from my family about how much it hurt if you didn’t pump on time and what happened if the baby didn’t latch on correctly that I was more scared to breastfeed than I was of giving birth!

In my mind, breastfeeding was no big deal. I didn’t see the benefits it outweighed formula fed babies…after all, myself and 15 of my 17 cousins had all been formula fed and we all turned out just great!

Breast is Best…Is it the Only Option Though?

17499300_1094823600664026_4345808364742699565_nWhen Tory and I first found out we were pregnant, we took into consideration both options- breastfeeding or formula feeding. Most people have looked at me oddly for even asking that, but like I said I was formula fed and didn’t really see anything wrong with it. In the end though, we chose to breastfeed…or at least try to.

As if the contractions leading up to birth weren’t painful enough (I started experiencing pain around 4 cm dilated…thank goodness it was only another 15 minutes until I hit 9 cm and was ready to push)…breastfeeding Bryan the first time was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. Yup, you heard me right…pushing him out of me wasn’t even that painful…but to have him latch onto my breast and not latch correctly, hurt so much.

I didn’t want to give up on the idea of breastfeeding our son though. I endured the pain for the first two days while we were in the hospital. Tory could see me grimace every time Bryan latched or attempted to latch on.

A Mother’s Instinct

While we were in the hospital, I had spoken to several different nurses and lactation specialists about Bryan’s latch and this gut feeling I had that he wasn’t getting what he needed. When he did latch it was for no more than 5 minutes at a time and I was beginning to grow very concerned.

Nurses were telling me that he had to latch on for at least 20 minutes each side, but then 17553695_1094822930664093_3684632813339788484_nspecialists were telling me that the time didn’t matter because every baby was different. Some babies could get what they needed quicker than other babies and that I should just be rest assured that my baby was getting all that he needed.

I still wasn’t convinced! Our first night alone was a nightmare! Bryan was up all night crying to be fed every hour. I understand that I was a new parent and we were told that the first night was the toughest until we all got used to a routine or even to each other, but if this was going to continue where he would want to latch every hour, it was going to be a huge problem.

We continued to ask the nurses and specialists about my growing concern and we still received the same responses that it was fine and normal, but I still couldn’t believe them. My baby was constantly crying and wanting to be on the breast, that wasn’t normal! I may not have been breastfed as a baby, but even I could tell that this wasn’t normal behavior and that something was wrong.

I had read an article a couple weeks earlier about a mother who had breastfed her baby and had an instinct that something was wrong, (I still cry when I reread it because no parent should ever have to feel the loss of a child, nor a loss because they were told by doctors and nurses that things were fine and that their baby was just “cluster-feeding”) but was told by nurses and specialists that the behavior was normal and my gut was just telling me that things weren’t right.


First doctor’s visit after being discharged

On our second day at the hospital I insisted that we begin supplementing with formula because I just couldn’t believe that Bryan was getting all that he needed and being fed enough. You try eating something that’s hard to get to (colostrum definitely doesn’t flow out as fast as milk does) for as little as 5 minutes and tell me that you’re full and you’ll be able to last hours without anything else…I don’t think so!


After we began supplementing with Enfamil, we could tell that our sweet little boy was turning around. He was sleeping for longer hours, he was crying less and he just seemed happier. Tory and I were both happier as well to see that our son was doing better.

On the day of our release, our pediatrician told us she was going to suggest we supplement formula, as well as, breastfeeding because Bryan’s weight had dropped and was almost on the border of concerning (he was born at 6 lbs. 10 oz. but was released from the hospital at just 6 lbs. 2 oz.).

Had we not supplemented, she would’ve suggested that we leave Bryan at the hospital and come back at the end of the week for him. You better believe we wouldn’t have left that hospital without our baby! We would’ve asked to stay longer, no matter the costs that built up.

Every Baby is Different

Like every pregnancy, every baby is different. On our first day home, as we were unpacking our bags, I noticed that the hospital had sent us home with Similac instead of Enfamil formula.

The last thing we needed was to change things on Bryan again so I posted on Facebook

“I cried but when my bottle was ready I wanted to sleep…”

asking my friends if any of my new mommy friends used Similac and would like for me to send them the 8 bottles that we had been sent home with; instead I received more backlash for supplementing with formula than strictly breastfeeding.

Honestly, I don’t remember asking anyone for their opinions on what I should do for my son. After all, I’m his mother, not anyone else. I knew the situation we had experienced our first two days and I wasn’t going to starve my child just because breastfeeding is supposedly the best and the only option (who said it was the only option?!)…maybe it was for other mothers (and good for them!) but it wasn’t for us!

I was infuriated (maybe it was my hormones too) for trying to help out another mommy and instead was getting lectures about how I shouldn’t be giving my son formula because he wouldn’t get all he needed from my breast milk. He wasn’t getting what he needed in the first place, which is why we had to start supplementing!

I was already physically tired from spending two days in a hospital room on the most uncomfortable bed, not being able to sleep next to my husband (most nights I need to lay on his chest before I can actually fall asleep) and being up for most of the last 48 hours trying to take care of our newborn; now I was emotionally exhausted too from being told that I wasn’t doing what was best for my baby by people who didn’t know our situation or didn’t have any say in the decisions that we made for our family.

Sleeps just like his daddy

When did it become okay for us to speak badly to other parents for their decisions that they make for their children. As parents, we need to do what’s best for our babies, not for other people’s babies.

What works for one family, may be a huge disaster for another. What I didn’t appreciate was that my son was being compared to other babies. Well that’s nice that it worked for your baby, but it’s not working for mine! Again, was I supposed to let my baby starve just for the sake of exclusively breastfeeding?! NO!

We’ve been home for almost two weeks now and we’ve been exclusively pumping. I’m no longer breastfeeding Bryan directly because it had hurt so much and I wasn’t sure how much he was actually getting because he still wasn’t latching on for more than 5 minutes at a time (I’ll probably hear some backlash for this decision too, but I DON’T CARE).

Since then, Bryan’s no longer on formula, although we still have it on hand just in case. He eats about 2-3 oz. at a time and it occurs about 8-9 times a day, sometimes even more. At our 2-week checkup yesterday {3.27.17}, we learned that Bryan is now 7 lbs. 8 oz. (he gained 12 oz. in one week!) and he’s 21 inches long!


Our baby boy is growing and is more than healthy! We may not be breastfeeding the way others think we should be, but we’re doing what’s best for our baby and no one else’s!

So to all those new mommies or mommy-to-be’s out there, remember that you (and your partner) are your babies caretaker(s), no one else. No one else’s opinions should reign over yours. Sure, accept all those opinions and take what you find helpful, but take it with a grain of salt. What worked for someone, may not work for you.

We should be encouraging each other, not tearing each other down for our decisions. All that matters is that we’re raising happy, healthy babies.





The Long Road to Recovery

It’s been quite a week in the Swank household! After 9 months of preparation, anticipation and the hormonal roller coaster, at 40 weeks +3, I was induced Monday, March 13, 2017 at 6 a.m.!

Bryan Vu-Danh Swank

Our doctor (and to be honest, us, as well) thought that in the final weeks I would go into labor on my own. She even thought that a delivery she had earlier in the week was going to be us, but I guess Baby Bryan was just too comfortable (and God had another plan for us)!

I was a nervous wreck right up until we checked in at the hospital! Tory was the complete opposite (opposites attract, I guess, and we’ve certainly learned that several times throughout our relationship)! He was so cool, collected and excited for the arrival of his son. I was so scared about what I was about to go through and no one ever really talks about how scared you would feel right before it happens or even while it’s happening!

Even though we were induced, I still wanted to go as natural as I could with the labor. I had so many people telling me that I wouldn’t be able to do it and that I would absolutely need to get the epidural (I also had family telling me that I shouldn’t get an epidural at all), it was honestly very discouraging. They didn’t know the level of pain I could tolerate. They weren’t me. Every pregnancy is different, so isn’t every labor and the way a person experiences labor different too?!

I was determined that I was in no way going to get the epidural and that I would be able to go through the pain, no matter what anyone said about my stature being too small to handle the pain or me regretting not asking for the epidural at the very last minute of labor.

file3Thinking back, I think I did really well dealing with the contractions at first. They really just felt like regular period cramps. I could definitely do this, I thought to myself! Towards the end though, the contractions were coming in hot and were unbearable to the point where I was crying… I could see the look in Tory’s and my mom’s eyes. They could see the pain I was in, but couldn’t do anything to do to help me.

When we hit about 4 cm dilated, I was crying for the IV medication (not an epidural), I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew that the IV medication would make me drowsy, but I could still feel every contraction coming on. As soon as the IV was given to me, I felt myself dozing off, my eyes were getting heavier and heavier and I stopped crying as much, but could still feel the pain of each contraction.

Within 15 minutes I went from being 4 cm dilated to 9! I kept telling everyone that I needed to push, but the nurses kept telling me that it was just Bryan pushing down and making me feel like I needed to, but didn’t really have to just yet. Bless my sweet husband for not settling with that answer after I kept telling him I needed to push and insisted that they check! In the next 20 minutes of pushing (and I’ll admit it, screaming), our sweet little boy was born at 12:26 p.m. at 6 lbs. 10 oz. and 19 inches long!

Now, we start the month long road to recovery. No one ever mentioned how sore, file4bruised and exhausted you would feel after delivery. I’ve heard about the exhaustion that baby would bring on because of the lack of sleep, but I never heard about how drained your body would feel right after delivery (those Hollywood movies don’t help much either, making every mother look like she’s completely happy and glowing). I was so out of it, until Bryan was placed in my hands.

Tradition vs. Modern Day Postpartum

Growing up, I had always heard stories about how my grandma took care of my mom after having me. Mom was on a certain diet that consisted of mostly rice and vegetables, drank only water and hot tea, she took only steam baths and rolled a hot bottle of water on her stomach everyday for a month. She also stayed at home the first month and only left the house for doctor’s appointments. The article “Post-partum practices among Vietnamese and Chinese patients,” written by Ethnomed explains in detail the type of recovery my family has me on.

When I was told that I would be doing the same thing I was very skeptical. I hadn’t seen any of my cousins do it before and I always saw my friends going back to their routines before baby, or at least as much as they could. Why couldn’t I do the same?

There are days when I’m still unsure why I have to be on this diet or do things the way I’ve done it so far for the past week, but I guess only time will tell what the benefits really are, and I guess it doesn’t really hurt to try?

I know that everyone has their own way of recovering, but should it just be on way or the other? Should we be shaming each other on how we do things to take care of ourselves and our newborns? Who’s to say that one way of recovery is better than file2-1another? After all, every pregnancy is different, so why can’t we put that into consideration when we talk about recovery road?

I’m taking it day-by-day, and I’m completely thankful for all that my mom has done to help me and Tory while she’s here for a month. Even more so, I’m completely thankful for my loving husband. He’s constantly been checking up on me to see how I’m feeling physically and emotionally (a lot of people seem to forget that it can also take an emotional toll on a woman). Recovery is definitely no picnic, but it’ll all be worth it in the end. For now though, I’ll just have to take it as it comes.

If you had asked me during labor (and Tory did) if I would ever want to go through this again, my answer was a definite no! But after holding our son for the first time and seeing his big (not sure what color his eyes are yet) eyes, the 6.5 hours of labor, 9 months of anticipation and month long of recovery will all be worth it! file-6




Anticipation, Anxiety, Disappointment and Exhaustion: The Final Four Weeks

Nine months ago if anyone had asked me what I knew about pregnancy I would’ve answered with “absolutely nothing!”

Even now, with only 3 weeks left until our due date, I only know what I’ve experienced. People were right when they said every pregnancy is different and it could be a roller coaster of emotion, I know mine certainly was. These final weeks have been no exception.

Photo Credit: Clique

If the first 8 months hasn’t been full of enough excitement, these last 4 weeks sure does have enough packed into it to give a person baby fever.

Our close friends just had their baby earlier this month and it definitely has made us more excited for the arrival of our little guy.

Everyone keeps telling us to enjoy the time we have before he arrives, but the anticipation of his arrival seems to build more and more as we prepare his nursery, items from our registry are arriving from family and friends and we hear of our other friends welcoming their little bundles of joy!


Our Manny loves to cuddle
If the anticipation of Baby Bryan’s arrival doesn’t occupy me enough, here comes the daily dose of anxiety!

There were a few times in the past 8 months when I questioned my ability to be a mother. Sure, I could teach a classroom full of 4-5 year olds, but how would I be with my own?! Would my little one be as well-behaved as some of the students I’ve had or would he be like the few little ones that tested my patience each day?! I was horrified! Tory, on the other hand, always seems to have it together and has been fully confident in our ability to be great parents.

I admit, when we first found out we were pregnant I broke down crying-not of excitement-more of anxiety of what was to come and how things had officially changed (does that make me a bad mom?).

If the 8 months of watching my students and their different personalities and

Nugget after her kennel incident
behavior didn’t give me enough to worry about, my two fur babies definitely made sure Mommy was kept on her toes. There are days when Manny won’t eat or he’ll be sick and it makes me question how I’ll be when Bryan is sick or won’t eat. But then there’s Nugget, oh our little Nugget, it takes a village to raise her!

The other day, she somehow got her paw stuck in her kennel. I thought it was just another small accident like in the past when she flipped her kennel and got her head stuck, or when she ate the tray of her kennel, so it couldn’t have been that bad, right?! WRONG! Her paw was pierced, how did my little baby get her paw stuck in her kennel gate where she was bleeding and I couldn’t get her paw out?! It made me wonder, what if Bryan got into something and hurt himself so bad I felt like a helpless parent?!


Thank you to our family for helping us put this together
I had spent weeks planning and making decorations for our sweet baby’s baby shower, only to be disappointed in the end., crying in the car by myself on the way home.

For a long time I didn’t think that I would have a baby shower because none of my family or closest friends lived near us to host one for us…and I had never heard of a mommy-to-be (in our case parents-to-be) host her own baby shower. After a lot of consideration and encouragement from a few family members, we agreed to have a baby shower for our sweet Bryan, after all, it would only ever happen once.

My sweet parents
The day had finally come, my parents and I were frantically trying to setup the hall in time before our guests arrived (unfortunately, my sweet husband came down with a fever and I felt it was best that he stayed home to rest). The first four guests arrived, my cousin-in-law Yung, her son Sam, my bestie Desheila and her newborn son Jose, and I was excited to see how this day would turn out (I’m extremely grateful for my parents, Yung, Sam, Desheila and Jose for being there).

An hour had gone by and still no one else had come…I could tell my parents, my cousin-in-law and my bestie were all trying their best to keep my mind busy and keep me laughing so that I wouldn’t be sad that no one else had come…

Not only was yesterday our baby boy’s shower, but it was also my 26th birthday. Birthdays have always been a big thing in my family, since we came from such a big close family of aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a rush of emotions for me since all of my family is so far away and we weren’t able to share the shower and my birthday with them. On top of all these emotions, trying to stay laughing but also trying not to burst into tears in front of everyone, I was worried sick about my husband who has never been so sick that he couldn’t even get out of bed and I wasn’t home to take care of him at the moment.

My cousin-in-law Yung, nephew Sam and bestie Desheila
My disappointment quickly turned into a series of questions. How could I have had so many responses and confirmations of guests who would be attending, only to have 4 people show up? What if in the future Bryan has birthdays and no one shows up, how could I as a mother possibly explain the feeling of disappointment to him? How do you not set yourself up for disappointment?

I had never once experienced this much disappointment before (sure, my wedding shower had no more than my family and four of my friends, but even then that was bearable because there was something bigger happening that weekend), but as much as I love planning parties and getting all the decorations ready for it, why would I possibly want to be disappointed like this again?

As if this emotional roller coaster wasn’t enough, add in exhaustion and some days it was multiple emotions in a single day.


People keep telling me to sleep as much as possible before Bryan arrives, but between the cramps, the Braxton Hick contractions swollen legs and arms and all the other glorious symptoms that come along with pregnancy, how, how can a person possibly get sleep?!

The sleepless nights seem to have become a normal thing. Getting through an entire day of work is just an obstacle and even having a simple conversation with someone seems impossible! So, for all those mothers out there, how did you sleep your last trimester? Help this mommy-to-be out!

Would I do it all over again? Absolutely (maybe not the baby shower, but everything else, yes)! I can’t wait for Baby Bryan to arrive and the adventure he will put his daddy and I on in the years to come!